Lessons from a mis-guided youth (pt 3)

Well, after a brief hiatus while I rebuilt my computer and tried to make it run more effectively I am finally able to bring you a blog post. Now I know that most of you havn’t missed our little chats but some of you it seems have done. So, while the rest of you run to the hills or simply ignore the fact that I’ve been typing away for the last hour I’ll talk to those who may be interested.

The person who invented the computer was a genius. No doubt about it. However, the person who decided that the computer should run our lives and our businesses was not. When I was a youth I was convinced that technology, all technology, was the way to go. Having a computer would stop time wasting, would speed up or automate the most inane tasks, would save the economy billions and at the same time stop the destruction of the rain forest because we would no longer need letters. Of all of these the first was the one that grabbed me. Time is the only real thing we have in this life and to waste it has always been something I dislike. When I was a kid I don’t ever remember being bored. Not when I was alone anyway. With other people I got bored very quickly because I had other things to do and they were not that interested in helping me. So, whenever I had ‘free’ time I filled it. The idea that the computer could save me even more time so I could do more of what I wanted was amazing. As soon as we could afford it I got hold of an old 286 with a 20mb hard disk and set about learning how to use it. I’d got a line feed dot matrix printer at the same time and it was this machine and that printer that got me my first job. It took me weeks to get the hang of DOS and then Windows 3.0 (remember that?!?) but I got there and soon enough I was away. Did I learn something useful that I would use in years to come? Absolutely! In fact I learned a couple of things:

1. I gained a new skill that many of my peers didn’t have at that time. I was able to then also teach them.
2. I gained some new friends who were also into this new technology (yes, I was and remain a geek and those I’ve stayed in touch with are also from that stable).

More importantly I gained a new insight: If you persevere you can aquire the knowledge to gain any new skill. If you are ahead of the game you can then teach it and learn even more along the way.

I gained these valuable insights but did I gain any more time? Well, the short answer is NO.

My old IT teacher at college once told me something I have never forgotten:

‘A document is like a butterfly. While it’s in the machine it is alive and it moves and grows and you can play with it and it grows some more. Once you print it’s dead. You have pressed it and preserved it and there is no more you can do.’

Wise words and a great metaphor. However, it also led me to endless corrections and re-writes and all kinds of other things that took up way too much time. A task that took me an hour by hand in theory would take half as long on a PC. The reality is that it took me twice as long. Where I would have picked up the telephone I now sent an email and had to wait (and wait) for a response which never made sense.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, one of the things I always get asked is about getting things done. What’s the best way to use the time we have in the day. Within the above story are a number of lessons you can use but the key to this is really about communication. If you didn’t need other people to help you along the way you wouldn’t have to ask or wait for the answer.

Today we are accustomed to working with companies who insist on everything being verbal so they don’t have to serve you the way they should. In contrast you need to hold them to account and so writing is the preferred way to communicate. Emails get ignored and letters rarely get a response other than the standard automated response that makes no sense and wastes more of your time.

Here then is my most important tip for anyone – either at work or at home – that needs to involve others in a project and finds that this causes time to slip away.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY FIRST

Why are you communicating?

What is the action that you want the other person to take (clarity is key here)

When do you need a response

Who are the essential people who need to know

How should you communicate? – If something is urgent and you need an answer now – Use the telephone.You can always confirm the conversation in writing when you have the answer you need.

So there you have it. Another lesson from a mis-spent youth. As ever I’d love to know how using this works for you. Have fun until next week,

 John.

5 things I have learned about.. motivating myself and achieving my dreams

This is the first in a series of articles entitled ’5 Things I’ve learned about..’ These are (hopefully) useful ideas that I have developed over the past years of dealing with clients and developing myself. I’d love to know if you agree with them or find them useful.

If I have momentum it is easier to continue

It’s a truism but it’s a truism for a reason. Imagine pushing a rock down a hill. The hardest part is getting it going. It may take you many minutes to get it to move at all, but once its going it builds momentum getting faster and faster, until it reaches the end of the journey. If you ran ahead and tried to stop it from moving what do you think would happen? It would crush you. It is going to reach the end at that point whether you move out of the way or not.

It’s the same thing with your success. You are the rock at the top of the hill. The beginning of your journey. You can see it and you know that once you begin you will head towards your goal. Along the way you may hit a few bumps. You may even hit a few barriers that will make the journey uncomfortable, but once you make the commitment and start to move any movement will make you stronger and more likely to succeed. As you go through your journey your achievements will become bigger and faster in the same way that a rock builds momentum and speed so will you as you become accustomed to this new mindset.

If I see a successful future I will focus on it

Focus is one of the three foundations of success. Its so important that I wrote a whole section about it in my ebook ‘The Trinity Success Model.’ The first step to making your goal a reality is to focus on it. See it as though you already have it and you will move towards it. Here’s something else I learned about this though. It’s not enough just to see it. You have to be able to believe it is rightfully yours too. When you build that picture of your future MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN IT!! So many people invent a compelling future where they see their loved ones happy and a big house, new car etc. but they forget to put themselves in the picture. Once you see this vision of your future you will find it easy to focus on it. Once you can focus on it you will automatically begin to work towards its attainment. The world has enough resources for everyone. You just have to claim it as your own.

When I am not committed enough to my own vision I get distracted by that of others

This is a relatively new learning for me. I constantly question my clients on the stories that they tell themselves. Sometimes those stories are not easy to spot for yourself. I am no exception. Once you have spent time (and I mean REAL time) on building your vision for the future you need to commit to its attainment. You will already be moving forward and you should also have developed a plan of action (more about that in the forthcoming book ’10 things I’ve learned about success.’) Once you have a vision and a plan you need to constantly check your commitment to your own vision. If you don’t have faith in your path you will get distracted by the views of others. Sometimes that’s a good thing. It is always better to surround yourself with advisors BUT in the cold light of day YOUR success has to be YOUR responsibility. That means it is your job to decide if you take the advice or not. Does it fit with your vision and your plan? If decision making is something that you find difficult then now is the time to work on it. For years decision making has been one of my weaknesses (hows that for sharing!?!) but you can improve by taking small steps and conditioning your mind to certainty. Process all of the information you have. All of the advice you get and then stick to what you decide. Only then can you review your choices and alter your course if necessary.

If I have faith mixed with belief I recognise the opportunities as they arrive

When I read about faith and belief in ‘Think and Grow Rich’ some 20 years ago I didn’t really understand it. Like many people I assumed that it was a reference to religion. As I’ve learned my craft and become highly successful at helping people succeed what I’ve discovered that this is not the case. The faith that I talk about is an unwavering faith in your own ability to succeed. Without fear of failure. There are so many inspirational quotes about this learning its hard to pick one so I’ll let you go and find them yourself. Our fear mechanisms are out of date. We are taught that to ‘sell ourselves’ is selling out. To be good at something and to know it is something we are meant to keep quiet (or we’ll be put down by those who don’t have the skills we do). Faith in yourself is the ONLY thing that will keep you moving forward when those around you are telling you to give up or do something different. If you are committed to your path and you have a solid faith in your ability (or your ability to learn the skills you need) then you will build momentum and results that much faster.

I am motivated by success and the feeling it brings

What motivates you? Take a few minutes and think about what your favourite thing is to do. What do you really enjoy? Write it down.

Now ask yourself why it’s your favourite thing. What does it bring you? (chances are you will come up with a feeling or a ‘sense’ of something. Write it down.

Now think about that feeling and ask yourself what you get from THAT. What is the underlying feeling you get from it. As an example if you answered ‘satisfied’ you may find that underlying this is ‘security’ or something similar. There is no right or wrong answer to this so take your time. Notice your own reactions and have some fun with it. You can even do it with a number of things you enjoy. Chances are you’ll come down to the same final answer. This is your primary motivator. It’s the feeling that you seek to fulfil in everything you enjoy doing.

The important thing I learned from this exercise is that we are motivated ultimately by feelings and not by happenings. Our motivation doesn’t come from outside events but our reaction to it. This is really powerful. Once you find out what your motivator is and you realise that you have complete control over your own emotions and feelings do you think you can use that in some way?

Thats it for this weeks blog. Watch out for an extra (special edition) blog entry later in the week containing some exciting news! As ever, if you have any questions or comments about this post you can email me: john@positiveimpactpartnership.co.uk

National No Smoking Day

Today is UK National No Smoking Day. Rather than give you all a lecture on the evils of smoking (I have worked with smokers for years and without exception they already know it’s bad for them and everyone else) I thought I’d just give you a few hints and tips to help you in making a successful quit attempt

1. Know your habit

Think for a few minutes about how often you smoke. When do you have your first cigarette? Is it before breakfast? Before getting out of bed? When are your ‘must have’ cigarettes during the day? Is there anything that you associate with lighting up (coffee, being in the park). Knowing all of these things will help you when it comes to preparing for the times when your habit hits you.

2. Know your options

What sort of support do you need to be successful? Are you planning on going ‘cold turkey’? Perhaps you are looking to join a support group (your local NHS will run one or you can find a private advisor like me who can help). Official statistics show that more people quit with a combination of group support and Nicotine Replacement that with any other method. Did you know that you can get Nicotine Replacement on prescription from your GP?

3. Set a quit date

Whatever you decide is the best option for you make sure you set a definite quit date. It helps if this is NOT immediate. Firstly, if you are going to use Nicotine replacement it needs time to kick in (so you need to have it ready about a week before you quit). Once you have your quit date and any support you need in place you are much more likely to be successful. There are a number of useful hints that may help you along the way.

4. Hints and tips

- Always carry a bottle of water with you. This is invaluable when you get a craving. Drink water whenever you crave.

- Cigarettes taste foul after drinking pineapple or orange juice. Why not work this into your day. Once you know your habit this may help to bridge the gap.

- Remember: Cravings feel like they last for hours but they only last for about 30 seconds.

- Tell EVERYONE that you are quitting and that you expect their support. Practice telling people you don’t smoke. You are now an ex-smoker.

- Mentally you may feel that smoking relaxes you BUT nicotine actually increases mental and physical stress in the body. Don’t be fooled that addiction relief is stress relief. Learn new ways to relax.

If you would like a worksheet that teaches you a very quick and effective relaxation exercise please email me: john@positiveimpactpartnership.co.uk

Inspiration comes in the oddest moments

Looking back on a few of my older posts I have written quite a lot about inspiration. It certainly does come in the most interesting places and at the oddest times. Usually when it’s least expected. Maybe that’s the point? When you think back to moments you’ve felt true inspiration do you see any surprises? Any patterns? Anything in common?

This weekend my partner Becky invited me to Pure, a trade event for London fashion week. I don’t mind telling you I had no idea what to expect or even if I would find anything of interest. Well, the whole trip was awe inspiring. The thing that grabbed me was the passion that each and every person has for their product and their life. Not one person believed that they were second best. They all had that winners attitude that drove them to be at the show in the first place. In that kind of atmosphere you cannot help but feel inspired. You have to raise your game. I have to confess that London has always been an inspiring place to me regardless. It’s not just the architecture and the scale. It’s the cultural melting pot.

I have always been fascinated by the idea that I am one of billions of people on the planet. Most of whom I will never meet and whose lives I will never touch. This is a truly grounding concept. The idea that in reality our ego, our values, beliefs, our social constructs count for nothing in the grand scheme of things. When we allow ourselves to create boundaries for our actions or for others they mean nothing in the big picture. Once you realise this you can begin to remove your ego from life and the way you treat those around you. You can start to look to what you can do to make a positive impact rather than build a reputation. Nowhere was this more powerfully demonstrated to me than this weekend in London.

As well as being part of London fashion week Sunday was also the BAFTA awards. The annual film industry ‘pat on the back.’ While we were in the area we happened down a back street being used by the limo drivers and bodyguards to the stars. The opposite side of the alley was taken up by sleeping homeless people. This stark display of opposite ends of the financial and social scale was at once inspiring. While George Clooney and Brad Pitt congratulated themselves for building a reputation they were missing the opportunity to make an impact. Celebrity culture is an interesting escape but it is also a distraction from the issues that need to be addressed both as individuals and as a society.

As a life coach many of my clients see themselves dissatisfied by being a part of that social norm but at the same time they are unable to see an alternative. The ego is still in the way of the impact they can make both in their lives and the lives of those around them. So many people look for inspiration in the obvious places. They seek role models in the obvious people. Part of the fun (and life IS fun) is finding those people and those feelings in the unexpected, isn’t it?

The Top 10 books that changed my life

I just found a great blog entry detailing the writers love of books and it got me thinking about the books that have touched my life enough to change it. Looking back there are always moments that stand out. I have always had a passion for reading and I’m always boring my partner with anecdotes or reviews of the latest to hit my radar. This is my list of the 10 books that have helped shaped my life. There are many more but these really stand out in my memory.

Zen & the art of motorcycle maintenance – Robert Pirsig
When I was at college this was one of the books that everyone talked about but nobody had actually read. I got myself a copy and life was never the same again. Essentially an introduction to the philosophy of ethics this is the story of a man and his son on a motorcycle road trip accross America. Throw in some powerful perspectives on mental health and this really changed my way of thinking. Along with the sequel (Lila) this is required reading for anyone with an interest in philosophy.

Think and Grow Rich – Napoleon Hill
Some years ago I received an audio set of Napoleon Hill seminars. It came unannounced and out of the blue. I took it as a sign and followed it to the letter. I bought this book and read it over and over again. Within a year I had been promoted three times and was well on the way to living my dream. This is the ONLY ‘self-help’ book I have ever read that was worth reading.

Get in the van – Henry Rollins
I have always gained my inspiration from people in all kinds of industries and situations. Henry Rollins has a lot to say and this compilation of his diaries is a great example. Rollins talks a lot here about the need for discipline in achievement. This is not always a comfortable read but it is always worthwhile.

The age of reason – Jean Paul Satre
This was the first book I picked up just because of the cover and it grabbed me straight away. I read it in the college library every lunchtime and it took me a week to finish. Beautifully written and with a sense of melancholy that at the time made me realise I wasn’t as alone as I thought. It’s a great shame that the philosophy that made Satre famous overshadows the quality of his work.

The richest man in Babylon – George S Clason
A recent find. This is a compilation of essays written as parables to teach financial management. It’s a system that works. This should be required reading for EVERYONE.

Jack Welch & The 4 E’s of Leadership – Jeffrey Krames
Welch was the CEO of GE. He made it the most profitable company on the globe. This is a simple breakdown of the leadership qualities that helped him do it. A great little book that is easy to impliment.

Last Exit to Brooklyn – Hubert Selby Jnr
Some books are mesmorising. Not always pleasant to read but they really grab you and shake you. This book shows no mercy. It tells the story of a small community in Brooklyn. Some of the most hair raising scenes and edge of seat writing I’ve ever read. It changed the way I write and the way I think about writing. Not one to read with the vicar but not one you should miss. Forget the film. The book is much more edgy.

The Cocktail Party – TS Elliot
Passages from this book were sent to me by my wonderful partner Becky as an ice breaker. Any of Elliots writing has a beauty but this one makes the list because it changed my life in so many positive ways.

Mastering your hidden self – Serge King
I was introduced to Huna by a friend. It is the ancient Hawaiian way of living. A lifestyle belief rather than a religion that was made illegal by the American government until very recently. This book is the best introduction to its workings. If you have an interest in self development or in NLP you should find out more about Huna.

Screw it lets do it – Richard Branson
Great little motivational ‘quick read’ book. This really makes you think about what YOU can do, and how quickly you can impliment it.

So that’s my top 10 list of life changing books. It’s a bit of a mix but that’s really the point. Life gets very boring if you read the same old type of book all the time. All of them (to my knowledge) are still in print. It would be great to know what you think of them, or even to get your lists, so that I can hunt down some new things too.

Happy reading!

John